this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
