whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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