whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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