shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
