So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
