Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
