I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
