I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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