You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
