you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
