they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
