He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
