My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
