wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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