we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
