thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
