everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
