i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
