Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
