we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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