he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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