I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm having to shit out rocks
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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