Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
