it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
