i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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