id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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