sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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