Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
