I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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