An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
