He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
