Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
