My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
