so explain again why im purple
no
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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