Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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