I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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