I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
