in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
