i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
