So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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