I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
