Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
