I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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