dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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