That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
