Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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