i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
