so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
