sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
