I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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