i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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