Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
