I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
