So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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