I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
